august 2025
this month feels like when you wake up from a nap and don’t know what day it is.
i finished my internship. i’m graduating next year. everything’s happening, but also nothing is? like, okay.
there’s this specific kind of silence after something ends.
not dramatic. not even sad.
just that weird echo when something’s over and your brain is still catching up.
that’s what it felt like walking out of the office on my last day. i didn’t cry or anything. i just stood outside like… what now?
and of course, the sky was doing the most:
looked like a renaissance painting and a panic attack at the same time.
which, relatable.
i kept thinking i’d feel finished. like, check the box, move on. but instead, i just felt kinda floaty. like i paused something but no one pressed play again.
people keep asking me how the internship went and i keep saying “it was good.”
but what i mean is: it cracked something open in me. i learned more than i thought i would. not just in the “skills” way. but in the “ok i can exist in a space i don’t fully understand yet and still be valuable” way.
and also: i’m really tired.
somewhere in the middle of that, i drew this:
i don’t remember why or what it’s supposed to be. maybe a brain that’s trying to stand up straight?
either way, it feels like how my insides look right now—structured, but lowkey falling apart. a little peaceful. a little haunted.
i like it tho.
and yeah, i’m graduating in 2026.
saying that out loud feels like i’m tempting fate.
it’s wild how a number can feel so heavy. like it’s carrying everything that’s supposed to come after.
people keep asking “so what’s next?” and i’m like girl idk i’m literally just sitting here trying to remember what day it is.
and honestly, i’m okay with that.
not everything has to be next. sometimes it’s just… this.
so yeah. this is the part between the thing i just did
and the thing that hasn’t started.
and i’m just standing in the middle of it,
watching the sky look dramatic
and letting the silence stretch a little.
no big takeaway.
just wanted to write this down
before i move forward and forget how this part felt.
written by Tuba 🙂
thanks for reading till this end 🙂
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