hi, wassup, reader :))
I know it’s been so many months, but you know what they say, a lot could happen in a couple of months or even minutes 😉
Dec’25 -Feb’26
I kinda forgot this blog even existed, but I also don’t think I can ever fully stop writing. Like, even if i don’t post, the thoughts are still there, just sitting in my head doing the most.
So yeah, I’m back again. randomly. as usual.
So the new year happened.
I went out with my family to a really pretty place, and it was nice. like actually nice. no overthinking, no stressing about random things, no thinking about life or anything or “what am I doing with my life”, just existing.
and i realised something there.
new year’s, random special days, festival days, they’re kinda the only times i properly escape reality. like those are the days where life feels paused for a bit. everything slows down and you’re just there, in the moment.
and then it ends and well you’re back to regular programming
but yeah, i think i’ve started appreciating those small breaks more now.
now coming back to real life.
Feb-Apr’26
adulting 101 is still not it btw
Academics have been confusing. not like full chaos but just this constant pressure in the background. like even when i’m not studying, i’m thinking about how i should be studying.
and it’s tiring.
but at the same time, something good did happen.i got a robotics internship.
which is still kinda crazy to me because i don’t feel like i have my life together at all, but somehow things are still moving. like okay we take that.
i’m really grateful for it, alhamdulillah always.
BUT.mechanics.man. I don’t understand it. like i’ll sit there, read something, and my brain just goes “yeah no.” and then there are people who just get it??? like how???
sometimes i feel like i’m just figuring things out 10 steps behind everyone else. but i guess that’s fine. at least i’m still trying , bare minimum effort but consistent confusion 👍
also journaling.i need answers. HOW do people journal every single day??like what are you even writing bro
i tried to be that person. i had the whole plan , nice notebook for the first 3 pages, deep thoughts, reflection era, all that. and then slowly, it just stopped.
and now my journal is literally a sketchbook.
random doodles. weird shapes. half sentences. things that made sense in my head for 2 minutes and then never again.
and i don’t even know if i should feel bad about it or not.
like did i fail at journaling?
or did i just accidentally create something that works better for me?
i dont know.
but here are some of the doodles which y’all can see 🙂
and then there’s this question people love asking:
“where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
man.i don’t know. like genuinely, i don’t know.
i don’t even know what i’m doing next week properly and you want a 5 year plan?
and the weird part is how confident some people sound when they answer that. like “yeah i’ll be here, doing this, living like that.”
how?
and how are they so sure they’ll be happier?
I think about it sometimes, and I’m just like I just hope I’m doing okay. That’s it.
not even perfect, not super successful, just okay. a little more stable, a little less confused, maybe I don’t know.
Lately, I’ve been thinking more about small things instead of big plans.
Like one random thing in my head is watching a beach sunset. Man, I just wanna sit on a beach and just doodle and wish time just stopped for a sec, except there would be no seconds or minutes or hours when the time stopped.
I keep saying I’ll do it “soon inshallah,” but yeah, let’s see when that actually happens.
if you read till here,
hope life is at least a little nice to you.
and if not,
Hope you get a random good moment soon. like unexpectedly good 🙂
I will write back soon here for sure, until then
Thanks for reading,
written by Tuba ✨ 😉
Blogs: by Tuba Khan 